Blegh

So today I wake up and feel spacey and not quite all there. As usual I tell Tony I'm fine, I tell myself I'm fine and despite trying to stay positive, gradually my mood drops over the day. Now at 15.14 I can't stop crying and I have to admit I am having a very bad day. No reason, nothing sparked it off, it just happens for no apparent reason. Go Dysthymia!

I hate it. I hate how it makes me feel, that I don't have anything to look forward to and there is no point in living anymore. I feel fat and ugly and am completely and utterly worthless as a human being.

I know this bout will pass, it may only last a day or it could last a week or a month until I return to my usual 'level'. I've fought hard to get to that level and I get angry that for no reason, I get knocked from it and have to claw my way back up again. I refuse to give in to it tho, it's not the real 'me'. The 'ill me' and the 'level me' are two such very different people and I *really* don't like ill me.

My usual instinct is to hide and avoid people when I am like this but Tony persuaded me that blogging about it could be a good thing, that it will get some of it out and in doing so might just help. He's usually right so I am gonna trust him on this ;)

So Blegh for the moment, but normal service should be resumed shortly.

*hugs*